ALMOST GOODBYE
by osami2717
Summary: Heero contiplates a life changing decision while reminiscing on events of the past. My first post! Please feel free to read/review. And as always, enjoy!


Pairings: 5x1  
Category: semi-angst  
Rating: R [just to be safe--I blushed reading this out loud, guess that says it all]  
Warnings: Yaoi, mild sexual content   
Disclaimer: I don't own the G-Boys   
Summary: nope, the name speaks for itself  
Title: Almost Goodbye  
Author: Osami2717  
  
Thanks to Corey, my boyfriend, who got me into Gundam Wing in the first place! Luv ya!!!  
  
ALMOST GOODBYE  
By Osami2717  
A Heero's Uke contest entry

ALMOST GOODBYE

By Osami2717

A Heero's Uke contest entry

With a jaw creaking yawn, the lean youth reluctantly pushed back the heavy covers and abandoned the warmth and comfort of the four-poster bed he shared with his lover.  The night air was unpleasantly cold, causing goose bumps to race across his pale, exposed skin.  Wufei always slept with the window open, even now in the dead of winter, with a frigid draft creeping across the thickly carpeted floor. 

Barefoot and clad only in a pair of boxer shorts, Heero padded silently across the room to the desk and his laptop, rubbing his face sleepily, feeling the faint scratchiness of incoming stubble.  I'll have to shave in the morning, he mused fuzzily.    

A few moments later, after a period of fumbling around in the inky darkness, the computer screen lit up, casting eerie shadows across the Japanese boy's face, his deep blue eyes gleaming in the unworldly light.  From behind him, Wufei mumbled drowsily, shifted position, and snuggled more deeply into the down comforter's soft embrace.  

Heero smiled softly, as he gazed over at his slumbering companion.  He shivered with remembered pleasure, the feel of Wufei's hands running lightly down his body, his kisses, hot, passionate and demanding, then coaxing and gentle.  The taste of his salty, damp skin and the almost unendurable pleasure/pain as wave after wave of hot desire washed over them, building higher and higher until it finally crashed over them leaving them spent and breathless. 

The smile faded into a troubled frown.  He knew that Wufei loved him, believed this with all his heart and yet his mind still refused to be consoled.  Some dark and secret part of him still felt that he, Heero, the Perfect Soldier, was undeserving of such happiness.   Surely he was more to the young Chinese than a sexual partner, and yet…

Wufei rarely said 'I love you' or reached out for him, not even to hold his hand, never hugged or kissed him, except when they were making love.  Then afterwards he would roll off of Heero and go to sleep—leaving the Japanese boy feeling somehow desolate.  The tousle haired adolescent would stare at the ceiling while unexplainable tears filled his eyes.  Neither of them was used to being affectionate, but Heero longed for something more, some as yet unfelt bond of intimacy, a feeling of being needed and cherished.  Sometimes he wondered how the two of them had ever ended up together. 

Sighing, he began to type slowly, each keystroke sending a dagger through his heart.  For a while the only sound in the bedroom was the wind's soft keening outside, the occasional snore from the sleeping china man and the soft tappa-tappa of Heero at the keyboard.  When he was finally finished he stood, made his way to the windows and pulled back the thick drapes, letting in a faint glow, the glow of light reflecting off of a million tiny water crystals.  It was snowing outside, fat fluffy flakes, like the finest down, drifted slowly, gracefully down through the still air.  It was so quiet he could hear them hit the windowsill.  Through the frosty panes he saw a different world of glittering crushed diamonds and soft feathers, cold and silent as the moon, breathtakingly beautiful.

Just like that day so long ago…

The two Gundam pilots crouched low behind a large boulder, trying to melt into the freezing snow while copters swung overhead, blindingly bright searchlights sweeping the ground.  Their low flying approach kicked up a whirlwind of frozen particles, sending them spinning, painfully pricking at the two fugitives exposed faces.  Holding up one mittened hand before his face, Wufei squinted his eyes against the assault, straining to spot any sign of their hunters, and huddled closer to his friend.

A slight overhang was all that kept them from being seen, but would it be enough?  Wufei had his arm around Heero, who was shaking ever so slightly.  Feeling warm dampness the Chinese boy pulled his hand away to find it covered with blood.  He looked questionably at his fellow pilot.  

 "Heero?"  

His companion gritted his teeth and in a slightly breathless voice said, "It's not bad."

Growling in frustration, Wufei pushed aside Heero's open parka and yanked his shirt up.  The tumble-haired Japanese boy moaned, his face going as pale as they snow they crouched in.

"Liar." The wound was long, red and ugly. Had he taken a bullet?  Gingerly the black haired pilot touched the hot flesh.  The slender boy cried out in pain.  The sound drifted out over the thin cold air. 

"Can you walk?  We have to get you out of here."  A copter passed over again and the two ducked.  Soon they'd send out ground patrols, if they hadn't already.   [And we'd almost made it out, too.] The young Chinese thought bitterly.

Heero felt himself drifting away to somewhere warm, safe and dark—he shook his head to clear it.  If he fell asleep now, he'd never wake up again.  Silently he gazed over at Wufei, so strong, brave and determined and felt a swelling in his heart.  With a heavy sigh he leaned his head against his secret love's shoulder.  

Nobody knew how he felt.   Not even Wufei.  Sad to think he would die without ever telling him..

Wufei shook him awake a moment later.  "Hey, hey! Wake up!  You've got to get up!  They're coming."  He motioned to the far off crest that they'd stumbled down an eternity ago, parka clad soldiers were making their way slowly down the slope, each armed with an automatic rifle.    "I'll divert them while you make it to the rendezvous spot." He continued. 

Heero sat up suddenly, despite the searing pain that ripped through his body; shocked by what he'd just heard.  "I can't do that.  What about you?!"

Wufei gripped the Japanese boy's chin and pulled him into a fevered kiss.  Surprised, Heero was still for a moment before letting himself melt into the Chinese boy's strong embrace.  Was this a dream?  It had to be and yet…  [His lips are so soft…]  Wufei pulled away reluctantly, his breathing heavy.  

"Damn it, Heero, you have to live!"  He threw his arms around his wounded companion and held him as tightly as he dared.  "I love you!" he whispered fiercely.  "Don't you dare die on me now!" The raven-haired youth pushed himself to his feet, and turned to face the still distant hunters. 

 "Get out of here."  He commanded harshly, then softer.  "I'll meet you at the estate." he raced into the darkness to kill or be killed, for the sake of the one he loved.

Heero scrambled to his feet despite the horrendous pain in his side and stumbled off in the opposite direction.  Wufei was risking his life for him and he wouldn't waste his love's sacrifice.  His heart was in turmoil as he staggered along through the nearly knee high drifts, his breath hot and hurtful in his throat.  

[He loves me!]

He felt a thrill of insane joy spilling through him, which warred with the overwhelming knowledge that he'd just left his love to die.  

[No, he won't die.  He can't!  Not now!]  

The next hour was a haze to him, wandering about in an ever-increasing blizzard, before finally stumbling into the arms of his waiting comrades. As darkness finally engulfed him, his last conscious thoughts were of the boy they'd had to leave behind.

*****  

I'll meet you at the estate. 

But he didn't come.

Days became weeks and the snow melted, giving way to the warm and gentle days of spring.  The Japanese boy was wracked with worry.  "Please God, let him be okay. Don't let me lose him now that I know he loves me, too." Heero prayed.  

 [He's dead he's got to be.  No I won't believe it!] 

Part of him died each day as the internal battle waged on. Heero jumped whenever the phone or doorbell rang…his eyes filling with hope.  But, it was always one of the other pilots or the mailman or any one of the millions of people who weren't Wufei.  

The other pilots noticed that something was wrong but whenever they asked there was stony silence, and even more disturbing a faint glistening of tears greeted their questions!

One day, in early summer, Heero found himself sitting beside a small pond beneath an oak tree, deep in thought, the pleasant smells of roses and freshly cut grass hung in the air, when he heard someone approach him from behind.  Reaching for his pistol, he turned to face—Wufei.  

The slender oriental was dressed in a simple black suit reminiscent of a Japanese school uniform with his shoulder length hair pulled back as usual.  He looked a little pale and tired, but he was there.  Heero couldn't believe his eyes.  Surely this was some mirage sent to torment him…

"Wu…fei?  Is that you?"  He spoke in a husky voice, little more than a whisper.  The mirage smiled softly and nodded its head.  

"Of course…who else would I be?"  

With a glad cry the Japanese youth dropped his gun and rushed into Wufei's waiting arms.  He hugged him tight, tight, tight!  He could feel his warmth, smell the faint traces of his fading cologne, and hear the beating of his heart.  He was alive!  Tears slipped unheeded down his cheeks.  

Finally he sobbed, "I thought you were dead."

Wufei kissed him softly.  "I'm not, and I've no intention of ever leaving you again."   The silken press of his lips and the heavenly taste of his love filled Heero's world.  

The young soldier felt at peace for the first time in his life.  

*****

Now, in the dark the young man contemplated a life changing decision. Tears threatened, but what choice did he have?  Could he to spend the rest of his life begging for affection?  And what about Wufei?  Wouldn't he be better off without him?  

Tears slid down his cheeks.  He didn't know.  He'd been too afraid to ask, afraid that the answer would be 'yes'.  The thought of losing Wufei made his heart ache but what good would it do either of them to continue on—neither of them happy, unwilling to give up?  Could he go on year after year like that?

The young man drew in a hitching breath and whispered forlornly, "A bad relationship is better than no relationship—right?"

He leaned his forehead against the chilly glass, glad for its cold, hard indifference.   

Behind him Wufei stirred sleepily, his voice thick and muffled with sleep.    "Heero?  What're you doin'?  Come back to bed." 

Heero stepped over to the bed and sat down.  Wufei reached out, took his hand and brought it to his lips.  The kiss startled the Japanese pilot; such displays of affection were almost unheard of.  

"I love you."

Different tears streamed down the boys face now-- tears of joy.  It felt like his heart had grown wings and was ready to soar.  Stroking back his lover's thick bangs, he laid a gentle kiss on his smooth brow; he whispered,  "I'll be right back." 

Staring down at the computer, Heero shook his head and hit the delete button, watched the words disappear.  

"Dear Wufei,

            This has been the hardest letter I've ever had to write, but…"

He went back to bed and curled up beside Wufei.  The sleepy adolescent turned, put his arms around him, and nuzzled his neck.  

"I love you." He whispered before drifting back to sleep.

Heero smiled as an almost forgotten sense of peace swept over him again.

"I love you, too."

THE END


End file.
